I Refuse...pt. 2

I am convinced my friend Krystyna is trying to kill me. I did a post on one of my biggest annoyances: hood child typing. Krystyna has taken it upon herself to be my watchful eye on the net, emailing me the foreign language known as hood speak. Now I commend her for her for braving this horrendousness and bringing this tom foolery to me BUT I physically hurt when I try to read the sentences these humans write. My heart shrivels up and I feel like I am having an asthma attack. Take a gander at this...this...I don't even know how to explain it. Prepare you brain for a serious exercise.

Email #1

[AWAY] ||HoM3w0oRk Fl0oW||
CaNt H3lP BuT ThiiNk SoM3tHiiN BoUt 2 HiiT Da FaN....HmMmM...YuNg BoYz D3s3 DaYz MaN SmFH...ii CaNt H3lP BuT LaUgH..PaTii3nTliii WaiiTiiN 4 DiiS W33k3nD So ii CaN PaRtY HaRd && R3lii3v3 DiiS StR3sS!!!
Dr0oP Ya iiSh___
{[iiCoN]} Da HaNdSoM3 N3pH3W
XXXGLAMOROUSM3XXX

How long did it take this chick to type this? Since the fck when has 3 become a letter and words have multiple vowels? SO many errors but the one that set me off was 'PaTii3nTliii'. WHAT THE FCK IS THAT? AS FAR AS I KNOW THAT IS NOT HOW THAT WORD IS SPELLED! HELL THAT ISN'T A WORD! I cannot take this foolishness. Why?


Email #2

Hood Child: cc a consularr iff yu have sleep pawbsxz
Hood Child: [AWAY] ||Uqq..ATL a lil ² Grass-e 4 mi..need mi city baq!|
Hood Child: [[ii LOV& Mii B&STii& TR&S ² MUCh]]
Hood Child: ___HUNii& DiiP___
Hood Child: ExXxXxXxX Catergoriiee..35|89..OO SZNAP!!!!!!!
Hood Child: yu need sme tyme mangement
-------------------------------- 7:12 pm --------------------------------
[AWAY] ||A i1/4"Aa,(R) MAN..Mii N Mii UNCL& JuST W&NT A^2. DA GYM..SMFH..N&VA AG&N..SHOWA FLOW!| [[ii LOV& Mii B&STii& TR&S A^2 MUCh..Buht ii aint nevaa calliin him agen]] YO THIS YA BOY THE PRINCE TRES' TAKEN OVER MY BESTIE JAY...


Pawbsxz? Catergoriiee??? Uqq? Grass-e?? Sznap?? AND SINCE THE FCK WHEN HAS '&' REPLACED THE LETTER 'E'???? I'm so fcking done. I refuse this bullshxt, I refuse it with all my might. I REBUKE THEE!!!

You already know the deal, gotta hit em with the Jay & Bey:

NOOOO FKN BUENO!

Oh and by the way, if you recognize this convo and know that this is your away message, do not come at me with any foolishness because I will give you some choice words that you cannot elongate with pointless consonants and vowels.