Dear Big Bxtches Of The World...

Now I do not discriminate against people, if you're big you're big, if you're small, you're small. However, I will not hesitate to insult you're big ass especially if you have no concern for me. I didn't ask to be skinny mmkay? My fam just has good genes thats all. Just because I can fit into small places does not give you the right to sit or place anyone of your large body parts on me. I can hardly lift my younger brother, please don't burden me with one of your limbs or you're whole body. I'm like the size of your leg. Why? I am not one to lash out but this is too much. Enough is enough. This was not the first time I was sat upon or squished. Oh no no no. I was 14 and coming home from school. I sat my ass down in that nice seat behind the bus driver because I like to be the first one off the bus. As we drive down Utica Avenue, I see the usual black diaspora carrying on in front of Pretty Girl. In that sea of black folk I spotted this large mass, something of a whale you might say. I am not trying to be mean but it did not help that she wore black and white and had jagged teeth. Samu [I'ma call her that] made her way on the bus much to everyone's displeasure. And when I said made her way I mean she knocked people over. There were other seats on the bus but Samu thought it was right for her to squeeze her ass in between me, a pole, and an old lady. All I know is my vision got dark and I was smothered by her leg and arm. I could not feel my leg at all. People on the bus saw that her ass swallowed me and began to protest. The bus driver saw through his rear view mirror and announced 'Miss, you know you can't fit there, why are you squeezing this child?' I was squished to the oblivion of the earth I tell you. After much protest and yelling, Samu finally got off of me fast enough so that I could return to normal breathing. I held that one incident to myself. I was not going to fault big people of the world but after constant incidents that took place after that, I have to speak now. This morning was the most recent squishing incident. I fell into a light sleep on the train as Jason Mraz sang into my ear. 'And I won't hesitate no more, nooooo more, it cannot wait, I'm yoursss...." and then I felt this sweaty, hot, squishy mass slam into the right side of my body. The force was so large that it knocked me back into the seat [if you know me you know that I have a slight case of germophobia so i seldom sit on the train and if I do it is at the very edge so I am liable to slide back]. I awoke, shocked and angry mind you 'cause she done messed up my earphones and I can only hear outta one ear now, to this large woman squishing me AGAINST THE POLE! She was sweaty. There was heat exuding from her body. I felt like I was trapped. I could not move with all seriousness. Unlike the people on the bus no one stuck up for me. For about 4-5 stops I was lodged in between her and the pole. I felt like a poor $1 bill hanging from a fat stripper. Finally I was release but I was very angry. It wasn't the fact that she sat on half of my body, it was that she SLAMMED into me. This man had the nerve to laugh at my misfortune. I mean I'd laugh too but still. I'm me. I live by another set of rules so what I do is not for everyone else. Anywho the bottom line is, big bxches of the world, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have some consideration for me or else I'm harpoon your big ass like the w0olly mammoth you are.

YOOOOO! I just had an ephiphany! My lost earring probably fell off when she slammed into me and is either on the train or in her rolls! Eh on second thoughts...she can keep it.

Jeez I'm a mean person.
But you already knew that.
I love big folk, just not when they sit on me or cause global warming.
Simple.