I Ripped My Pants...-_-

See I thought my day couldn't get any worse but oh it did. Not only was I late to work thanks to the muthafcking MTA, I ripped my pants. But let me go off on the MTA for a minute. So I get on the 2 train today all ready to go. I realize we left 2 minutes late and 2 minutes goes a long way when you live in New York City. Then after 4 stops the train sits. And sits. And sits. Oh wait for it...AND SITS! The conductor makes an announcement about the silly train traffic that always seems to occur. We move along. And it sits. And sits. Then it moves and stops in a tunnel...you already know the drill. The conductor comes on the speak is like 'The Lexington line is having some delays and problems, when the train gets to Atlantic Ave. either stay on or go to another train because this will continue all morning'.
-_- Nice. So I get off and I walk to the N, W, R, D, & V train platform with a million other people. Three trains came back to back and boy was I happy until I realized that they were all full. I finally got on a relatively empty D train and it was moving at a good speed until it hit the Brooklyn Bridge, where it sat and sat and sat. When the train finally got to my stop I made my way out of the platform area only to find myself in the confusing underground concourse. That thing makes you feel as if you are in a Harry Potter movie with all those damn tunnels and gold walls. For a good 15 minutes I am just walking until I finally admit to myself that I am lost. I searched for the first glimpse of outside light I could run to and made my way to the surface. I was finally free and had 2 minutes to run up 3 long Manhattan blocks filled with clueless tourists. I got to work like 5 minutes late but hell I got there and that is all that matters. I was cool all until lunch time came around. I was on my way to the lunch room when I felt a little breeze on my leg. I'm like "Hmmm that's interesting" and I keep it moving because I suspected the pants were just thin. Then I felt and even stronger breeze which made me even more confused and instantly look down at my pants. There I see a rip from my pelvis to the middle of my thigh. OH MY WORD! I have been walking around like this and no one had the decency to say "Miss you ripped you're pants" because I damn sure didn't put them on like this! SMH! BOO FCKERS BOO! I would have told somebody that they ripped their pants HELL I TOLD THIS MAN HE HAD A BUG ON HIM! [granted that was driven by personal motive because he was standing right in front of me and I was scared it was going to jump on me so I had to tell him so he can rid of it]. Either way I was nice enough to tell him. So I put my bag in front of my leg and walked to the lunch room. I ate my lunch then ran to The Gap and bought a pair of jeans because that was all they had on sale and I refuse to pay $50 for Khaki pants that I will never wear again unless I work at Target. From that point on my day was relatively okay, nothing to scream about. I did learn a few things from this day: 1) I still hate humans. 2) Gap has upgraded the quality of their jeans 3) The Gap now carries my choice of jeans. The last time I bought Gap jeans was in 8th grade and they were kinds hard and rough. Now Gap jeans are nice, cotton soft, and they fit in all the right places. Did I mention they give me somewhat of a butt??? YASS! LIFE! I recently bought their Always Skinny jean and it is my new favorite. Anywho I have SAT homework to finish [yes I am at work doing my SAT hw, don't judge me] so ciao lovies.

Why Are You Still Here?

There are some people who are constantly on gossip sites or on television that really have me wondering...why are you still here? You'll be sure to see some familar faces here:

Christina Milian


Every 5 minutes I see these two on a gossip site. I am tired of seeing your face Christina. At least Chicken Little [The Dream] has an album out and a hot song with Kanye West but what are you doing with your life? No clubbing, showing up at events, shopping and being glued to Chicken Little does not count. You are a singer and an actress [I use that term loosely]. Either get your ass in a studio or in a movie or get your ass out of the "lime light" because you are useless until that point. This is my belief on celebrities: unless you are singing or acting, stay your ass at home and do not emerge unless you are entertaining me. That's wtf you get paid for so do it. I get my ass up every morning for work but you do everyday shit and expect to get paid? EENK! WRONG! Get your life together heifer. Make music or disappear.

Ray-J


Don't even get me started on this one here. Brandy's little brother has been upsetting my eyes for a minute now. So you make a sex tape with Kim Kardashian and all of a sudden your famous and you have money? Well then Kim K make a stop at my house next time you're in NYC. Then VH1 went and gave this fool a show so he could display his hoe tactics and debauchery for the world to see. WHY? You have no album. You are not entertaining, you're a perv. The last song you had sounded like a cat being strangled in a dark alley. Ray-J is about as useless as New Jersey. Please do me a favor and disappear.

Paris Hilton


I've been wanting to remove her useless ass since I was in 8th grade. Do I really need to rant about this first crotch? BE GONE! If only the stars knew how luck they are that they are blind. [get it her song 'stars are blind'].

Spencer & Heidi


Words cannot express the dislike I harbor for these baboons. The epitome of useless. The epitome of everything that is wrong with the world. I have never seen people so desperate for fame and all they are gaining is hate but then again...people still know them. Heidi and her cheap videos and bad songs. Spencer and his bad attitude and leprachuan lookin ass. I cannot take them and their antics. They call up God's name in vain for their stupidity. I just don't know what to say. I just need them to GO AWAY! Tie some bricks to Heidi's boobs and let her sink in the ocean. Steal Spencer's little pot of gold. Just remove them.

If Only Life Was This Easy...

As easy as your daughter woman!

So this Polish woman is suing an Egyptian hotel because apparently her daughter became impregnated by loose sperm in the hotel's swimming pool during their recent vacation. She claims that her 13 year old daughter did not have any sexual encounters with those of the opposite sex so there for the pool is to blame...

-_-

How stupid is this woman? You think your lil fast ass daughter was knocked up by a pool? If objects are giving out babies then I should have been about 5 months pregnant by my school's photography dark room at the rate sperm is going. And wouldn't the chlorine in the pool have killed this random sperm? And if there was random sperm in said pool, who did it belong to because this man has super sperm! If every teen could pull the wool over their parents' eyes like this, there wouldn't be wonderful shows like 16 & Pregnant on MTV. This is a show I'd like to see: True Life I Am Having A Baby From Random Pool Sperm. I would DVR bad boy so quick. Listen here lady, you know, I know, and your lil baby skank know very damn well that random pool sperm did not knock her up. It was some lil Egyptian boy who works at the hotel who she thought was delicious and he clearly thought she was smashable so they commenced to conceive this lil accident. The sperm came from the pool alright, THE POOL BOY!

I wish my future 13 year old would come at me with some excuse like this.
I WISH MY 13 YEAR OLD WOULD BE PREGGY AT ALL!
Oh I'ma show her ass knocked up. Knock her upside a damn wall with foot. And then I'ma tar and feather the lil fck that stuck his plug into her socket.

People...love your children. Make them watch pregnancy videos. Scare the shxt outta them like they did to me in 6th grade.

WELP! I'm gone to take a walk with Krys.
PAYCE!

I Refuse...pt. 2

I am convinced my friend Krystyna is trying to kill me. I did a post on one of my biggest annoyances: hood child typing. Krystyna has taken it upon herself to be my watchful eye on the net, emailing me the foreign language known as hood speak. Now I commend her for her for braving this horrendousness and bringing this tom foolery to me BUT I physically hurt when I try to read the sentences these humans write. My heart shrivels up and I feel like I am having an asthma attack. Take a gander at this...this...I don't even know how to explain it. Prepare you brain for a serious exercise.

Email #1

[AWAY] ||HoM3w0oRk Fl0oW||
CaNt H3lP BuT ThiiNk SoM3tHiiN BoUt 2 HiiT Da FaN....HmMmM...YuNg BoYz D3s3 DaYz MaN SmFH...ii CaNt H3lP BuT LaUgH..PaTii3nTliii WaiiTiiN 4 DiiS W33k3nD So ii CaN PaRtY HaRd && R3lii3v3 DiiS StR3sS!!!
Dr0oP Ya iiSh___
{[iiCoN]} Da HaNdSoM3 N3pH3W
XXXGLAMOROUSM3XXX

How long did it take this chick to type this? Since the fck when has 3 become a letter and words have multiple vowels? SO many errors but the one that set me off was 'PaTii3nTliii'. WHAT THE FCK IS THAT? AS FAR AS I KNOW THAT IS NOT HOW THAT WORD IS SPELLED! HELL THAT ISN'T A WORD! I cannot take this foolishness. Why?


Email #2

Hood Child: cc a consularr iff yu have sleep pawbsxz
Hood Child: [AWAY] ||Uqq..ATL a lil ² Grass-e 4 mi..need mi city baq!|
Hood Child: [[ii LOV& Mii B&STii& TR&S ² MUCh]]
Hood Child: ___HUNii& DiiP___
Hood Child: ExXxXxXxX Catergoriiee..35|89..OO SZNAP!!!!!!!
Hood Child: yu need sme tyme mangement
-------------------------------- 7:12 pm --------------------------------
[AWAY] ||A i1/4"Aa,(R) MAN..Mii N Mii UNCL& JuST W&NT A^2. DA GYM..SMFH..N&VA AG&N..SHOWA FLOW!| [[ii LOV& Mii B&STii& TR&S A^2 MUCh..Buht ii aint nevaa calliin him agen]] YO THIS YA BOY THE PRINCE TRES' TAKEN OVER MY BESTIE JAY...


Pawbsxz? Catergoriiee??? Uqq? Grass-e?? Sznap?? AND SINCE THE FCK WHEN HAS '&' REPLACED THE LETTER 'E'???? I'm so fcking done. I refuse this bullshxt, I refuse it with all my might. I REBUKE THEE!!!

You already know the deal, gotta hit em with the Jay & Bey:

NOOOO FKN BUENO!

Oh and by the way, if you recognize this convo and know that this is your away message, do not come at me with any foolishness because I will give you some choice words that you cannot elongate with pointless consonants and vowels.

I Refuse.

This has always been an annoyance of mine...ALWAYS! I was gonna save this rant for another time but my friend Roofie brought some foolishness to my attention.
There is no reason why my brain should hurt because you refuse to type like a normal person. This fxckery you call 'english' is not coherent. Why do you children choose to type like you have never been to school? Is it so hard to spell words correctly? Even if you don't spell it correctly, must you make it LONGER THAN IT WAS ORIGINALLY? Must you change the letter 'g' into a letter 'q' because it is cute? I am sorry but "Lauqhinq" IS NOT A WORD! Look I hate to generalize but these people are the general offenders of this tom foolery: black public school children. Now I said I will no generalize because I have seen white and hispanic children type like they have never step foot into a school before but black folks...you can't even front. Here are some examples of your niggatry:

A 20 year old girl (via Roofie):
ooooo
diisz mii bhookiie fav
sung..ummm lolsz♥♥

Now what the FXCK is a 'bhookiiee'? Since the hell when did 'diisz' mean 'this'? And slow child do you mean 'song' instead of 'sung'? I do hope so for your own sake.

Children I know:

...i fuhqksz wit...
..thts thee basicksz anythinq else youh wana know just ask for thee aim name; if your cute i'll qive it to youh;...
beN pretty for a decade n chanj
approxiametly 1 qun &+ 7 bullets

For real though...this is what's good in the hood now? Typing like you ain't got no GOT DAYMN SENSE??? If you're gonna curse at least spell it right. Last time I checked 'fuck' was four letters and never included an 'h','q', and a 'z'. 'Thats' includes an 'a' and 'you' never had an 'h'. 'Change' has a 'g' and an 'e'. You definitely meant 'approximately' boo boo and 'gun' begins with a 'G' not a 'Q'.

A child my friend knows:

Who qot the best swaqq dha uhmaziin'qq flaka
hey myspacerzxs dha name iiszx miaa n dha niick iiszx flaka.Well wahh can ii say bout mah self well iim dumb sexii lol ii love mah liife jusszx the way iiht iiszx.I am ?? yearzxs old ii waszx born 19?? n mah fav. color iiszx blue biitch lol j/p n aiim iiszx ????ask me for iiht hahahaha!Ohh n b.t.w happiily taken!bah the best.
U Look gUd In DhiS FliXk Like It gAttA Own No shaRin My Cuzo Said yah look QUd

In the words of my mother: "WAH DI ASSSSSSS?" No words. No words can express at all. Too much horrendousness for my soul. Yes I know horrendousness is not a word but damn it if this child can spell amazing as 'uhmaziin'qq, damn it anything is possible in this world.

All I have to say is:

My head hurts trying to read this.
I refuse.
The public school system has failed us. I am convinced.

And don't steal my Jay & Bey pic...I did that myself lol.

Jeans Should Be Skinny, Pockets Should Be Fat

The new target for the blame of global warming: Fat folks.
I know everyone who read this report laughed hard as hell because I know I did. Now not only is fatness unhealthy and unsightly, it is also environmentally hazardous. Because of all the fat people in the world, Mama Earf is dying a slow, painful death. They blame fat people for everything nowadays. Well the report said that fat people cause more food production, which is a major contributor to CO2 emissions, and then they drive to get the food which is more CO2 emissions that warm the planet. Each fat person is apparently responsible for emitting a ton more of climate-warming carbon dioxide per year than a skinny one. Due to the fatness of humans, an extra billion tons of CO2 a year is created, according to the World Health Organization estimates. So all in all, fat people are responsible for melting the polar ice caps, hot weather, raising sea levels, and dying rain forests. Just because you fat doesn't mean since you're going down you gotta take the whole fkn Titanic with you.

THANK YOU FAT PEOPLE!

Lmfao nahh I don't dislike fat people, I just don't understand em [is that just as bad?]

Here We Go Again.

It is a known fact that if people didn't talk to me then I wouldn't have friends because I am anti social and I generally cannot stand people. You all annoy me [except for a select few]. Thankfully, people are drawn to me for some odd reason I will never understand and talk to me. Less work for me! What also puzzles me is the reason for people who talk to me, then stop out of the blue if I clearly did nothing. Like you say you really wanna be my friend but then you turn around and start to shun me. Honestly, I have no problem cutting people off [unless they are The Dreamgirls]. I am a mean person but I believe I have been too nice lately. I don't have to talk to this person but I chose to out of the goodness of my heart. They asked what was everyone's problem, I told mine and now they wanna get all prissy on me. I have no time for such foolishness. I really don't understand people. They ask for the truth and when you tell it to them they want to get angry. YOU ASKED! I will not sugarcoat it. Here is an example:

Friend: Hey do you like those shoes? I love em.
Me: Eh no, I think they are ugly but if you like em go ahead.

Some will take it to heart, some won't. Those without tough skin need not be my friend. I am sensitive but not that sensitive. If you tell me the truth, I'd accept it. I wouldn't change but I'll accept it. If I don't want to be your friend I will tell you plain out we aren't talking from this day on [it's something I am trying out lol] or I will start to act different until you get the point [my normal method]. Oh well, humans have problems.

What The Eff...

Well I just peeped the 'Prom Queen' video by Lil Wayne and at the end of the video this song [the one above] came on. I am like what the fxck is this and then I go listen to it. I don't know why but this song makes me laugh sooooooo hard. It's the beat combined with the lyrics that has me in a roll.

Try me baby, Try me baby
I'm the shit, I'm the shit
Love me darling, Love me darling
don't you, don't you

Kiss me baby, Kiss me baby
I'm the shit, I'm the shit
Feed me mama, Feed me mama
I want you, I want you

Bless me angel, Bless me angel
Tick tick tick, you're the bomb
I will be your Vietnam
Tick tick tick, you're the bomb

The fck? CTFU! LMFAO!
So this is the best rapper alive huh?
Stupid people.

PSA

OKAY! I get annoyed very easily and there are many many things that annoy THE HELL outta me. One of them happens to be when people call me from a blocked or private number. If your bxtch ass don't want me to know the number, why call? Like honestly that shxt is mad sus and I would think by now that whoever called me would realize that I NEVER answer blocked or private calls. I have a feeling its the same person calling because it is always around this time and I never answer. So dumb muthafxcka GET A CLUE! I'm not gonna answer the phone. If I don't recognize the number, I will answer just to see who it is [it's always some random person who I gave my number to lol] but if you coming at me on some covert shxt then you might as well not call. Ugh! Nothing annoys my soul more than this foolishness. 12:30 in the got dayumn morning, I am taking a power nap and your ass calls me and wakes me up to see a blocked number. Now not only am I angry but I am confused because I am like who in the west bubblefxck is this? Some nerve. This is a warning to you all. Especially since I LURVE my ringtone; don't make this shxt regular before I have to start hulk smashing negroes.

Ugh on another note, I am currently missing the HELL out of 3 people.
One has a girlfriend but we're still cool, the other is one of my best friends [gosh I miss her!] and the other is a very good friend of mine [I'm gonna leave it at that lol].
Why Lawd whyyyyy?

Well while I am talking about myself, I might as well let the world know that I am working on a remix to 'Brooklyn Girls'. Heard the song back in December but I finally got the instrumental [limewire can be a bxtch] and I'm in the process of downloading a pc version to garageband so...cheaaaa check youtube and the bloggy for that. I'm serious y'all, my new name is gonna be Mini Minaj lmfao! Nah but I need a rapper name though. I'm thinking of just regular ole' Slim but that damn 112 man is named Slim. SMH! OHHHH wait I remember this dude tried to holler at me and called me slim goodies [-_- yeah I wanted to hit him] so I might roll with that. I can see it now 'The Slim Goodies Mixtape'. I'm serious people! Check in my presidential blog where I remixed 'My President is Black' lol. I'm taking over the world like Pinky & the Brain suckers.

Slim is feeling a little creative...*hits play on that Cool Calm Pete*

There Is Homework To Be Done But...I'll Finish It Later

Alright I have been slacking this entire week. It has been a serious while since I've blogged and I feel a lil sad [just a lil cuz this slim thugg is trying to "thugg" her way into college, ya digg??? [lmao @ that phrase]]. Anyway as I was going through some gossip sites, I stumbled upon a story on mediatakeout about Rihanna's fingernail *blank stare*. It is a known fact that I am not fond of this chick, I like her music just not her but I clicked that link to see what the hell they had to say about her now [don't know why I did but oh well]. Well this time it was about her fingernail. She has an Obama pic on her pinky and it is cute I must say. What my issue is that they were praising her for it but during the campaign time when pictures surfaced of "regular" people doing that to their nails ["regular" meaning the non famous and fabulous] they called it ghetto and hood. Even the people who commented on the story called it ghetto but a few of them changed their minds this time talking about "Oh thats cute, I wanna get mine done". Ugh it makes me sick to see people change their ways just because some celebrity did something. If it was hood to you before she did it, it should still be hood to you now. I never thought it was hood, I thought it was great because you know I love the oh so amazing one but I never did it because I'm broke as hell and skinny bxtches gotta eat. Anyway I have an english paper to go bang out so I'll be back around 4 am.

peeshhhh.